Overall, I am excited for it, and I can't wait to finally hold a paperback version of this book in my hands.
Threatening Souls now has a release date of October 31, 2014. After months of rewriting and editing this novel, I am proud to say that this novel will finally be published on Createspace, Lulu, Smashwords, and other retail websites on that date. Currently, I have made Threatening Souls a pre-release on Smashwords, and I have been uploading this novel into websites such as Lulu, Createspace, and ePub. However, because of the release of this novel, for publication purposes, I will be taking most of this novel off of Figment and Wattpad. Currently, the unedited version of this novel is available to read on those websites for free until October 20, when I will start to slowly take down all but the prologue and first chapter. I am excited for the final release of this novel, and there is a reason why I have chosen to publish it on Halloween. However, I will not explain that reason here, for that would include going into great detail some of the events that are contained in this novel, and in order to avoid that, I am just going to say that you will have to read this novel in order to understand why Halloween was chosen to be the official release date.
Overall, I am excited for it, and I can't wait to finally hold a paperback version of this book in my hands.
THIS POST IS FOR THOSE WHO HAVE VIEWED OR ARE CURRENTLY VIEWING MY AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE.
So, today, as I was checking my Amazon author page, I stumbled upon a message that is in the biography section of my profile that I did not write. For those of you who are currently reading it, you know what I am talking about.
Also, the author who is "associated" with that message, Maya Bode, also has a similar message on her profile in the biography section. I just wanted to say that I did not write that one either, nor do I feel that way about her. Until this hacking problem is fixed, I will leave this blog post up as the first post so that it gets featured on my Amazon page. Just know that I did not write any of those two messages, and neither did Maya.
I know I haven't posted anything on this blog for a while, but I just wanted to let you all know that I am now a reviewer for the Figment group Reviews for Free. If you have a Figment account and would like your story to be reviewed, make sure you check out that group.
Preferred Writings: I would mostly prefer to review novels, but I wouldn't mind reviewing short stories as well. I prefer not to review poetry, though, just because poetry comes in a variety of styles unique to their authors.
Experience: I have reviewed several stories on Figment, upon request. My longer reviews tend to be when I'm reviewing longer works, for there is more to praise/critique. I guess I've started reviewing when I joined Figment. Recently, I've mostly reviewed novels, but in the past, I have reviewed short stories as well.
Focus: When I am reviewing, I focus on pretty much anything (which includes grammar, character development, ect). I am not atrocious when it comes to any of these fields, especially grammar. On Microsoft Word, I do take notes while I read to ensure that I don't miss anything important.
Process: When I review, I generally write a one-to-two-sentence disclaimer, and then I usually split the review up by chapter (not always, depending on what I'm reviewing). Within each section of the review, I generally write the critiques first before I write the praise.
Examples: Here are some examples of my reviews:
Shattered by Tris:
Finally, I have finished the preface and chapters one and two. These are my thoughts as to what I have found, and it is up to you on whether you choose to take my suggestions or not.
After reading this, I can already tell that this story will be nothing like the stories that I've previously read. You have a great hook and flawless descriptions. However, I'd like to point out a few things, and I am guessing that most of these things are just mere typos.
“Was the woman on the couch your msother?” I’m guessing you meant to type “mother.”
I love how the boy’s name was Jade. It’s very unique.
Emma reminds me of myself, always comparing myself to my brother.
“I thick fog begun to surround me, and I coughed.” Delete the “I” at the beginning of the sentence. Also, "begun" should either be "began" or "had begun."
I loved the name of the strange place: Supeavil. I also loved how the leader of such a place was a pumpkin instead of a creature like a zombie or a vampire. You do a great job making your characters come to life in this chapter. You also are great with suspense, for I am left wondering what that creature was that attacked Sue and what the big family secret entails.
“Gasping, I sit bolt up right, and I rub my eyes. “Upright” is one word.
“Maybe it’s just an after affect of the nightmare.” “Affect” should be “effect.” It is very easy to confuse the two words. Just remember that “affect” is a verb, whereas “effect” is a noun.
“A tree rout trips me.” By “rout,” I think you meant “root.” By definition, “rout” means “a defeat attended with disorderly flight; dispersal of a defeated force in complete disorder.”
“So that means she knows about his place.” “His” should be “this.”
Setting up for a ball. What a very...interesting punishment. I also find it interesting how Emma and her siblings are incarcerated in a library rather than a dungeon cell. Also, I am left wondering why their mother was there in a painting.
“The troll ties cloths around our eyes and lead us up through the castle.” “Lead” should be “leads.”
“I can’t help but being mean to her.” “Being” should be “be.”
“I’m mad at them all for getting over their deaths so quickly. It’s like they never cared about them at all.” I’m guessing the “their” and second “them” in both sentences refers to Emma’s parents. Since the first “them” and “they” refers to Emma’s siblings, perhaps state who the “their” and second “them” refers to. For instance, “I’m mad at them all for getting over our parents’ deaths so quickly. It’s like they never cared about our parents at all.”
“The villagers of this land were so mad that they feed her to a pack of hungry werewolves.” Since you are describing an event that happened in the past, “feed” should be “fed.”
“Panic rises in my, and my heart begins to ache.” The first “my” should be “me.”
“Now, finally, the curse had been bracken, and it is all thanks to you.” “Bracken” should be “broken.”
Overall, I can see why this story is labeled as "horror." You do a great job describing all of the twisted events that take place, and I am definitely intrigued enough to continue reading this novel. Great job on this, for you are a very promising writer.
Muggles and Mudbloods by Kassidy:
Thus far, I have read up through chapter two, and I will read the rest later. However, I figured I'd review what I've read so far. These are only suggestions on what you can improve on, and I am sorry if I come across as being harsh. That is not my intention.
I really enjoyed this prologue. You captured Voldemort's personality perfectly, exactly like how J.K. Rowling did. However, I'd like to point out a few things:
“Ever since he killed Harry Potter these Muggle rebels had been his main priority.” Insert a comma between "Potter" and "these," since the human voice, when reading out loud, naturally pauses there.
“Lord Voldemort had a talent for making examples out of rebels…and the servants that had n more use.” I'm guessing "n" is supposed to be "no."
“Then Voldemort then pointed his wand at Wormtail, holding it lightly.” Delete one of the "then's," since you have two of them in the same sentence. It is up to you which one.
“Then, so that he wouldn’t have to worry about him again, he said softly…” Replace "him" with "Wormtail." If you are talking about two different people in the same sentence, do not use "he," "him," ect. for both people. Use those pronouns for only one of them so that the reader doesn't get confused.
“It was dark now but the fire and and the specs of light from wizard’s spells lit the night.” Delete one of the "and's." Also, insert a comma between "now" and "but," since the voice naturally pauses there.
“…he muttered and he disappeared into a black mist…” You can fix this in a variety of ways. Either insert a comma between "muttered" and "and" for the natural pause, or you can replace "and" with "as" and insert no comma. It is up to you which one.
Here are some positives: You do a great job creating an alternate universe if Voldemort succeeded in killing Harry Potter, and Harry was never resurrected. I love how you started the story with a scene of Voldemort and Wormtail, and I love your imagery.
“…but I do not think of myself as a superior to anyone, for that is not the way of the Lord, and I take my religion seriously.” I don’t mean to sound like I’m anti-religious, because I’m not, but if Lord Voldemort took over the entire world, it seems highly unlikely that he wouldn’t do away with religion (hence why he calls himself LORD Voldemort). A leader as cruel as he is wouldn’t allow for anyone to worship someone other than himself. Now, if Albert and Abby followed their religion secretly, then that’s okay, but they probably should keep it to themselves, lest someone betray them and tell the Dark Lord.
“Then the two of them got in their very expnsive car and drove away to their mansion.” "Expnsive" should be "expensive."
“…but now Albert was actually wondering if it worth living at all.” Insert "was" between "it" and "worth."
“Then she looked down and saw a little starw basket covered in pink blankets.” "Starw" should be "straw."
“They are both twins, and I have left them here for I no that no orphanage would take them.” "No" should be "know." Also, insert a comma between "here" and "for" for the natural pause.
“Take care of them and one of them has powers and the otherdoes not.” It might be better to say that one of them is a Mudblood and the other is a Muggle. But if you don't want to do that, "otherdoes" should be two words: "other" and "does."
“The husband and wife stood there at the note gaped mouthed.” I'm not really sure what you mean by "note gaped mouthed."
“Just because there are two babies on our door step does not mean that you are mean’t to have them.” "Doorstep" is one word. Also, "meant" doesn't have an apostrophe.
“Perfect. Those names are perfet; they are perfect.” I'm assuming the second "perfect" was a typo. Furthermore, you only have to have your character say "perfect" once, for the reader already gets the idea.
Here are some positives: I really like where this story is going so far. To have Julia and Octavia show up in the same fashion as Harry Potter really shows how important those two characters are going to be later in the story. I really love all of the characters thus far, and I can't wait to see where you are going to go with this.
“He was going too rape me, Julia!” "Too" should be "to."
“I an’t afraid of him.” "An't" should be "ain't."
“Julia, I am not a muggle, Muddy.” You technically address Julia twice in this sentence. Call her either "Julia" or "Muddy," but not both in the same sentence.
“Then you will see how much you wan to say ‘I’m a muggle’” "Wan" should be "want."
“They do just as bad to them or worse to them in Azcaban.” "Azkaban" is spelled with a "k," not a "c."
“Then water ait washed appeared from her wand…” What exactly do you mean by "Then water ait washed..."?
“You know we have to go to the Malfoy’s party tonight, and you look like that you’ve been shoveling coal all day.” Delete the "the" before "Malfoy's." Also, delete the "that" before "you've."
“It’s gonna take a hour just to get you clean again, Tavia!” "A" should be "an," since the "h" in "hour" is silent.
“…take away the light and then it takes away to food for the poor.” The wording in this sentence is a bit awkward. How does the light take away the food? Also, is "to food" supposed to be "the food"?
“Father was a bit hesitant of taking s in.” "S" should be "us."
Here are some positives: I love how the reader gets more insight into the rules of the world in this chapter and how the Death Eaters have none. It only makes me wonder what it would be like to live in such a world. You do a great job defining Julia's and Octavia's personalities in this chapter.
Overall, I really love what you have set up so far. The only thing I would suggest doing is proofread this, for there are more errors than the ones I've pointed out (I'm guessing most of them are just simple typos). Soon, I will read more of this, for I am eager to know which direction you will choose to go. Keep writing!
Sweet Heart Fairy School by Amanda Wagner:
Here is my review. Again, these are only suggestions of what you could do to improve on this story, and if I offend you in any way with any of these comments, I am truly sorry. It is entirely up to you whether or not you use my suggestions.
For me, this was a very difficult read. You have a great idea, but the many grammar and convention errors as well as the sentence structure oftentimes left me confused (and I would point all of them out, but that would take way too long). For the most part, Rachel, the reviewer before me, pointed out most of the repeating errors, so I will keep it brief.
"Rainy and Nancy putted the pictures together for the news tomorrow." In the context of this sentence, "putted" should be "put." Even though "putted" is a word, it is not the past tense of "put." It is the past tense of "putt," as in "to putt a ball," like in golf.
"'Nancy and Rainy, now there has been another school in another state who is trying to get like us, so this is like a contest to see which school dissevers the prize,' said Ms. Katy." "Dissevers" should be "deserves." The word "dissevers" comes from the verb "dissever," which means "to sever; separate; to divide into parts."
"'Accost,' said Nancy." Now, this has been a frequent error throughout this novel. Actually, last semester in school, "accost" was one of my vocab words, and the way you are using it is not the way it is used. Replace "accost" with "of course." Here is your word of the day, the definitions of "accost," straight from dictionary.com: "to confront boldly; to approach, especially with a greeting, question, or remark;(of prostitutes, procurers, etc.) to solicit for sexual purposes." For instance, since this word is a verb, here it is used in a sentence: "The beggar accosted me for money."
Aside from that, try to vary how you start your sentences each time, which will allow for smoother reading.
As for actual content-improvements, like I said before, you have a good storyline. However, I do believe that you could expand on this and possibly spread some of the events farther apart from one another. For instance, in one of the chapters, you have Ms. Katy warning the school that two evil fairies wish to attack it and consume its goodness. Immediately after that chapter, the huge battle happens with little information as to how the students were able to prepare for it. Try to possibly slow things down and not rush into events immediately after they are announced. In the case of this example, try to show us the process that the students underwent in order to prepare for this battle and possibly keep the reader in suspense by not revealing every single detail at one time.
This brings me to my next point: show, don't tell. Here is a paragraph from chapter one: "Nancy flew in the beautiful fairy jungle seeing nothing but the nature all around her. She began to look all around, seeing lovely trees, plants, and the gorgeous blue sky above her. But she wanted a better life for herself." As far as I'm concerned as the reader, all I know about this jungle is that it is beautiful, but other than that I have no idea what it looks like. Also, you tell the reader that Nancy wishes to embark on a better life, but your words don't paint a picture. Here is an example of show don't tell using the same paragraph: "Flying in the fairy jungle, Nancy surveyed her surroundings. All around her, there were trees swaying gently in the wind, stretching towards the sky. The sun peeked through the leaves of the trees, its light illuminating even the darkest recesses of the jungle. In her eyes, the jungle was quite beautiful, and yet she still felt empty inside. Sadness nipped at her at the thought of spending the rest of her life secluded in the fairy jungle, living amongst only her parents. She wanted out of her tedious lifestyle, to slough off the suffocating chains of her parents' devotion to nature and to experience the world around her." Again, that is just an example of what you could do, but there are endless possibilities.
The third content-improvement that you should consider has to do with your characters. After reading Rachel's review, I realize that she touched briefly on this subject, but I will go more in-depth. One of the most important aspects of a story is good character development, and though your character development is not atrocious, it does need some work, especially with your antagonists. The kind of characters I love creating are the antagonists, and there's a reason for that: I love getting inside their minds and writing about what drove them to become evil. In general, people (even mystical fairies) are not naturally evil. Even in the Harry Potter series, if you have read the books and/or seen the movies, Lord Voldemort had a backstory that explained what drove him to mere insanity. Perhaps work on your character motivation a little more and, perhaps, what drove your antagonists to become evil beings.
Here are some positives. You have a great plotline that seems original enough. I actually know someone at my school named Nancy, so I found that quite interesting. Also, I found it easy to relate to Nancy in a way, since I have lived in the Sonoran Desert for most of my life and therefore grew to hate it. Out of the many stories that are centered around a mystical school, you still were able to add a little originality to that idea, and I congratulate you on that. Overall, this was a very good read, and I hope you don't take my comments too personally. I do hope that one day you will achieve your goal of getting it published, for I know that the publishing industry is a tough industry to be associated with nowadays. Good luck on your novel.
Limitations: I have no limitations. I will read anything, regardless of the content.
Other: I try not to be too harsh, hence why I put a little disclaimer at the start of my reviews usually. I can be quite harsh at times, but I try to do it in a way that doesn't make the author feel bad about their writings. You should also know that I have school. Even though I am active every day and will occasionally review on a weekday (if I don't have anything going on), the bulk of my reviewing will be done on the weekends and any breaks that I have. If I am going on a family vacation during any of my breaks and therefore won't have any computer access in order to review, I will let you and those whose works I'm reviewing during that time know beforehand.
As the title says above, I have taken quite a step back. Currently, I am working on revising and editing all of the Threatening Souls novels that I have written thus far, and the new versions of all of them will be available soon. Due to my sudden dedication to this series, I have decided to put off my other writings, though this will only be temporarily.
Also, I have started a new work on Figment, entitled The Demon Inside Her. Here is the synopsis:
It all started when she was six with the fire that caused it all. As her world crumbled, taking her biological family with it, Dana Reynolds was soon forced into a foster home until she was eighteen with parents who abused her constantly.
As soon as she turned eighteen, Dana left her foster home, and the day after, she started to hear It, a demonic voice in her mind that commands her to do certain tasks. For the next two years, she listened to It's demands to kill. Within those two years, she got sent to jail three times, the third time sentencing her to an insane asylum.
Yet It doesn't stop His demands. Instead, as His hunger for death grows, Dana receives certain visions that she believes are meant to punish her. With everyone around her telling her that It doesn't exist, Dana is forced to make a decision: whether to listen to them and fight the mysterious voice or give in completely to It and continue to kill.
Again, as of now this will only be a novel on Figment, but I am unsure if in the future it will become anything more than that. Here is the link for reading purposes: http://figment.com/books/670967-The-Demon-Inside-Her-Work-in-Progress-
The title of this blog post is pretty self-explanatory. I am making an attempt at creating a dystopian novel, my first ever dystopian novel. Dystopian literature has intrigued me for the longest of time, so I figured I'd try to write a novel in that genre.
For those of you who do not know what a dystopia is, it is a negative utopia. Since a utopia is, by definition, a perfect society, one can only imagine what a dystopia is. The worlds portrayed in the novels Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury and 1984 by George Orwell are both examples of this negative utopia, and even The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins has dystopian elements in it.
The title of my dystopian novel, as seen on the book cover that I've created a day ago, is Jessica, named after the main character and protagonist of the story Jessica Turner. I have yet to release a synopsis of the novel that will be featured on the back cover, but I can guarantee that I will release one in the near future. Also, I started writing this novel three days ago, and already I have posted the first chapter on Figment. I also have not yet created a section on this website dedicated to this novel, like I did with The Way You Lie. However, that is coming soon as well.
I am also aware that I have a lot of other novels to write that I am planning to release later this year and in 2014. Besides releasing Jessica within that time frame, I've planned on releasing The Way You Lie, The Nameless, and Innocents and Foreseers. I know that that is a lot to accomplish, especially when I have schoolwork on top of that, but it will get done.
I know I haven't released that many details regarding this novel, so I will release some in this blog post. The entire world takes place in 2062 and consists of two main countries: the Western Unification of the Pacific (or WUP), which consists of the entire western hemisphere, and the Eastern Unification of the Atlantic (or EUA), which consists of the entire eastern hemisphere. In the beginning of the novel, not much is know about the EUA, since the novel primarily takes place in the WUP, but that changes over time. Within the WUP, children are taken from their parents at age three and put into academies based on which occupation the government wants them to take part in. Marriages are also prearranged at age three, meaning that at each academy a male child and a female child are put into the same room and are forced to bond with each other, for their marriage is already being arranged. Also, right before the wedding, the females, one at a time, are sent to the King, who will prepare them for marriage.
The novel centers around a war that is about to be erupted between the WUP and the EUA, of which the King tells his subjects that the EUA wishes to invade them. In this scenario, the EUA are portrayed as the main antagonists of the novel. It centers around Jessica Turner, whose government-chosen occupation is to be in the army along with her lifelong partner Xavier Cornwell.
That is pretty much the premise of the novel, but it is not the official synopsis. Also, I will not reveal anything more about the novel other than nothing is what it seems.
So on Wattpad I've recently entered my poem Mirrors in the Atty's Awards. If any of you have a Wattpad account and would like to read it, here's the link. It's a little different than what I usually write about, for it deals with the use of illegal drugs.
On Figment, my book Threatening Souls had gotten fifty-eight hearts, and on Wattpad it had gotten twenty votes (as of July 25, 2012).
I just want to say thank you so much for everyone whose read, hearted, voted, commented, and reviewed my work. It really means a lot to me, and you all are amazing in my eyes.
I'd also like to thank my 146 followers on Figment, my 199 fans on Wattpad, my 74 subscribers on youtube, my seven likes on Facebook, and my fifteen followers on Twitter (as of July 25, 2012). It is your constant support that keeps me going, and I want to thank you.
There are only three things that keep me going in life: music, writing, and grades (in school). Without them, I'd be nothing.
I am unable to forget about my past—all of the people who have hurt me, scared me, wounded me. I am unable to push myself forward in life and to live in the present. Life is short, and people say that time is too good to waste, but for me it seems that time is too short. I guess I am able to say that my past has influenced my writing, and that is why I write what I write. Right now I am sitting in my room on my laptop, listening to The Birthday Massacre and remembering how people said I wasn’t “cool”, how people accused me of plagiarizing without getting the facts down, how I was once physically abused by this one bitch who had tried to steal my friend away from me. Those people who fit into one of those categories (and there are more categories out there) are who influenced my book and the songs that I write—my writing in general. Like what my favorite singer Kerli said in one song, “Hurt me. See me crawling on the floor. Is that what you’ve been longing for? Hurt me. Is this enough? Do you want more? Go on if it makes you soar!” The dark thoughts that I think about were inspired by them. If you are one of those people, I would not be surprised if you one day woke up with a knife to your throat. That is what you deserve, that is what I call karma, though I do not believe in karma. The name “The Birthday Massacre” has a pleasant ring to it—it fits my mood, now, don’t you think?